Live Shit: Binge & Purge

Round One... Wow, this is pretty badass.

2011-04-13T15:31:00.003-06:00

To those that knew me in High School, it's no surprise that I'm a fan of Mortal Kombat. For a while, that's how we regularly annoyed the girls and non-gamers that we hung out with. Some would say we just wanted to play, but I'm sure that the annoyance factor made us want to do it even more... why didn't I get laid in high school again?

Now I was nowhere near as good as Roger and BLM at Ultimate Kombat, but I could hold my own against average players and I would occasionally eek out the win against those two. Two was always my bread and butter.

But that's neither here nor there as this wasn't meant to be a post about the games. There were also the movies. I actually enjoyed the first one a great deal. It was stupid fun and action packed and the tone actually matched that of the later games with the stupid Babalities and such (Baraka was still one ugly fuck though, even with a diaper and rattle). Like most though, I did wonder what it would be like if they took themselves more seriously and matched the tone of the first game. I figured that it would probably be retarded and an utter failure though and life went on.

Last year though, this surfaced:

Wow, that actually looks pretty cool... and the cast, with Michael Jai White and Jeri Ryan, that's pretty solid. Apparently it was made to generate interest for investors to pop in for a movie.

Well, the movie never happened so they decided to make a web series. I figured, "well that's that. This will likely suck." But then they put this out:

Well that looks pretty cool. And it looks like they were able to keep the cast intact. This might be pretty sweet.

So Episode 1 came out this week and it is. I am disappointed that Stryker isn't wearing a T-Shirt and Ball Cap though.

Ma-Sheen

2011-03-08T13:15:00.004-07:00

So for all of you Vatican Assassin Warlock followers out there there's this article. Sorry, tough break kid.

However, if you read the article and feel so inclined, the exciting news is that you could intern for SheenCo this summer. I imagine that'll be one hell of a summer for one lucky so-and-so.

Also in the article, a link to Dave Holmes twitter. I haven't thought about that guy in years. I remember when he lost the MTV VJ job to that ass-clown Jesse despite the fact that Dave actually knew about music (dude should have been the next Matt Pinfield) and Jesse had a brain cell.

Does MTV even have VJs anymore? Probably not... and probably a good thing: Dave Holmes losing out to a douche like that demonstrates how sorry a state of affairs that was.

Good Bye a.k.a. Vivica Fox is Awesome

2010-01-03T00:38:00.005-07:00

So I just finished watching Season 6 of Curb Your Enthusiasm. The last 30 seconds of the last episode spawned one of the funniest moments in the series thus far. Finally someone that can compete with Susie.

2009-12-03T09:28:00.002-07:00

So my friend Luc posted this link on Facebook along with this comment"

Hate to say I told you so... no, I don't.
Global warming is a myth.....

I decided to post my response here because I figure I should update this thing periodically when I have something to say:

Global Warming is a stupid name for it.

Here's what we know:

- Via geological records we know that the amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere is increasing at a faster rate than it has in the Earth's known geological history.

- As the amount of CO2 in the atmosphere increases, the radiation from the sun is still able to penetrate the Earth's atmosphere on the way in but less of it is allowed to escape after it is reflected by the oceans because of the change in wavelength of the radiation.

So what is the overall effect? Who knows, we can barely predict weather patterns a day out half the time.

However, it's going to change the climate. It's hard to argue that trapping more solar radiation within the atmosphere won't. Now complex organisms such as ourselves have a much harder time evolving to suit our environments than small organisms. It is possible that we could change the environment so as to make the Earth uninhabitable for humanity and we'll all die out. This is why I hate all of the "save-the-planet" jokers. The planet will be fine; we just may not be able to live on it.

So the decision to make is one of risk-reward. Do we make a change in our behavior and make near-term life a little harder in attempt to prolong the existence of human-kind or do we keep going the way we are and possibly kill ourselves off? Me, I don't really care as I already see humanity as a failed experiment circling the toilet bowl waiting for someone to flush (to paraphrase George Carlin). Besides, I'm waiting for the Mega-Volcano under Yellowstone to get us (it's got a 600,000-year eruption cycle and we're at 640,000-years since the last one). But really, this is the decision that we have to make.

Grape Can Be Funny

2009-07-07T21:23:00.000-06:00

2009-06-02T23:16:00.001-06:00

So I watched this LazyTown show once with my nephews and while it was kind of trippy (and aparently Icelandic) it really didn't hold my attention. Maybe if Lil' Jon was actually part of the show I could have gotten more into it.

FUCK... YES!

2009-04-21T13:56:00.001-06:00

2009-04-17T11:34:00.000-06:00

So John Madden retired this week... and this picture is awesome.

Brrrrr... Green Bay

2009-04-12T23:01:00.007-06:00

2009-04-08T10:07:00.000-06:00

This is an excellent cover:

P.O.S. - New Music - More Music Videos

I Actually Kind of Imagined Trent Reznor Like That

2009-03-04T17:13:00.002-07:00

Also, Sublime... that's funny.

2009-02-26T22:14:00.003-07:00

So when I was like 9 or 10 years old, around the time that The Legend of Zelda cartoon came out, we had just gotten back from a trip to see my cousins in Oklahoma, where I beat Zelda II for the first time, I had the most vivid dream I've ever had in my entire life. I was transported inside the Legend of Zelda (bet you didn't see that coming).

I still remember a lot of it. I remember that my cousins and my parents were some of the characters I met in the game. I remember fucking up some ghosts in a graveyard, blowing up a wall and walking into a cave to get some arrows, traveling across a lake in a raft, walking through a waterfall to find a dungeon, killing some octarocks. It was pretty realistic for beaing a dream about a video game and it actually went on for what felt like hours.

Anyway, at one point I got to a castle and inside there was a nintendo console. I remember pulling out the cartridge and putting in another one. When I walked outside I realized that it was a mistake because I was no longer in The Legend of Zelda but I was in a space ship in the Alf video game (which I've never played and honestly am not really sure as to whether it exists). Anyway, it sucked and I woke up for the day soon after that.

I bring up this dream because this is kind of like that but with more swearing (I think).

(Also: Bonus for the use of "Bag of Dicks")

2009-02-16T07:48:00.002-07:00

So the Onion A.V. Club linked this video which I found both amusing and kind of creepy:

Anyway, if you go to youtube, there's a whole bunch of videos of The Rock-afire Explosion performing modern pop songs. I think the cool part of this for me is that:

a) I didn't know that there were any more Showbiz Pizza joints around (they were all converted to Chuck-E-Cheese's here)

b) All of the Chuck-E-Cheese's I've been to in the last couple of years got rid of the animatronic shows and just have a bunch of TVs (which blows ass by the way) - I'd assumed that they'd all gone that route

Sure, the pizza tastes like rubber on cardboard, but I might be persuaded to spend a night at a Showbiz if I could watch this kind of shit.

2008-07-02T14:03:00.000-06:00

Kids are a lot of work... but thet're worth it.

Wait... maybe not.

My Posts Really Suck Recently

2008-05-16T22:49:00.000-06:00

But fuck it, watch this:

I'm Fucking Craig!

2008-02-29T22:47:00.001-07:00

I just saw this like two minutes ago and it makes me laugh.

2008-02-11T20:51:00.000-07:00

I don't know if I'll actually get "Golfing for Costumes" but I do know that if I ever do learn to golf, I'm going to show up one day at the course wearing this.

2008-01-23T22:43:00.000-07:00

So I got Masterpiece Megatron today and he took me about an hour each way to transform. Anyway I was looking around on how to remove the shitty orange barrel plug and I found this guy which helped me out.

Anyway, I started looking through his pictures and found this one that made me smile. I think this was because some of my best memories from my childhood were from watching Prime win The Cup with the Canadiens in '86. He would have won the Conn Smythe that year too if Roy hadn't been so dominent in goal. Pretty impressive along with his Hobey Baker from the '84 season while he was with UND. He would have been one of the greats if not for that wheel injury in the home opener of the '86 - '87 season.

Jordy Kicks Ass

2008-01-16T22:23:00.000-07:00

What I really wish I could find is the video of Beavis and Butt-Head watching this.

Found This Funny

2007-10-27T13:47:00.001-06:00

Does no one appreciate metaphore?

2007-06-30T16:14:00.000-06:00

So, I'm getting apprehensively excited for the new Transformers movie. The trailer look friggen' cool and according to my sister's fiance, you can't go wrong with Shia Lebeauf.

However, Transformers is something I've got history with. I was probably six when I started watching the show and the original Transformers: The Movie was a life-altering event. When Optimus Prime died, I learned what real loss was. Loss of innocence, loss of family. I also learned that when a great threat comes along, you and your robot buddies let your pain and fears go and you kick some planet devouring ass! You get up up and accept your role as the keeper of The Matrix! Hot Rod, you become Rodimus Prime!

I cried my eyes out that afternoon but when I walked out of that theater, I was no longer a boy, I was a man.

So like I said, Transformers and I have history. So have have this fear about the new movie. My fear goes like this:

I walk into the theater and sit down. We go through the commercials and previews and the movie is ready to start. Logo crawls across the screen and we come to little 7-year old Eli playing with his Jetfire that Aunt Marty and Uncle Floyd just sent him for Christmas. All of a sudden Michael Bay walks in holding his Michael Bay dick. Picks up little Eli, kicking and screaming, drops his pants and starts fucking him in the ass. Fade to black.

Now I may have problems, but I don't think I'm completely irrational in thinking that, in making this movie, Michael Bay may be trying to rape my childhood.

2007-04-22T20:11:00.000-06:00

This made me laugh:

Alomst as much as this:

2007-04-11T22:16:00.000-06:00

I don't know if I ever talked about this before, but imagine John running around on a night shift singing this song:

2007-03-19T12:50:00.000-06:00

Yeah, I have a feeling I'm going to have no luck when it comes to trying to wait for this one to drop in price.

2007-02-25T21:23:00.000-07:00

So I haven't had shit for time lately to do anything. I've got a new job and it's taking all kinds of time. Other than that, I've been spending most of my free time with my family.

Anyway, my mom's big at forwarding e-mails and whatnot. This week though, she sent me this link which is friggen' sweet if you want to listen to some great music.

'84 has the Ghostbusters theme song.

2007-02-01T10:54:00.000-07:00

Did we just all of the sudden lose our sense of humor, or did we never have one to begin with?

2007-01-29T15:03:00.000-07:00

I know what games I'm downloading tonight. (Hint: They're not Genesis games.)

BMW Lies in Their Commercials

2006-12-20T18:15:00.000-07:00

Ok, take a look at this:

Now watch this (I saw it on TV tonight):

It's not a fucking robot you assholes, it's NINTENDO 64!!!

2006-12-14T20:01:00.000-07:00

I don't know what got me thinking about this tonight, but this is one of my favorite things ever.

2006-11-11T18:56:00.000-07:00

So normally, when people blame video games for the ills of society, I just immediately give them a hearty "fuck you" and tune out.

On the other hand though, this sounds way to familiar.

2006-11-06T20:06:00.000-07:00

So I'm in Toronto this week and I'm staying in a Hilton. You know what's disappointing? They don't offer One Night in Paris on Spanktravision. What gives?

Twelve

2006-11-01T15:36:00.000-07:00

So yeah, I picked up Twelve and only played for about an hour or an hour and a half last night. Here are my overall impressions thus far:

- The game is really pretty. Granted, it's the end of the PS2's life cycle, but the game still looks really good. There are beautiful, action packed cinematics and the standard gameplay looks great as well.
- Voice acting is not terrible. Maybe it's just because I've cooled it on the anime, but some of the voices actually sound appropriatly cast to me. I could be wrong about this, but I wasn't offended.
- The battle system is the big one. Sorry guys, but this isn't a Final Fantasy game as far as I'm concerned. It's real time and it's interesting but it's very hands off in comparison to what I'm used to. Set a command and let it do it's thing. Still, I may get into it in the future.
- I spent an hour playing as a character that died. That was interesting.

So yeah, that's it for now. I think I'll finish Dragon Quest VIII and Chrono Trigger first, but at this point, I'll bite.

2006-10-31T13:30:00.000-07:00

I'm a fucking idiot.

I'll let you know how it is.

2006-10-26T13:07:00.000-06:00

Yeah, the new DOAX2 trailer is kind of weird with the phystits (yeah, that's a stretch). Here's a good comic on it though.

I'm also going to start refering to Lei Fang as a the one that missed one too many hugs growing up.

Stolen from Shane

2006-10-23T12:30:00.000-06:00

Ludacris is fucking awesome.

2006-10-19T23:37:00.000-06:00

Well, it's shitty quality and the lips don't match the words, but I've been raving about the best MTV commercial of all time for years.

2006-10-17T10:49:00.000-06:00

Hey. Who wants to play some golf? Ok, would you consider playing as a DOA character?

2006-10-12T13:13:00.000-06:00

I love "Weird Al." Straight Outta Lynwood is one of his best in years. If you're at all familiar with R. Kelly's "TYrapped in the Closet" I highly recommend checking out "Trapped in the Drive Through."

2006-10-12T11:51:00.000-06:00

Comments?

2006-10-05T09:37:00.000-06:00

This one got me.

2006-09-29T09:21:00.000-06:00

Given how much I liked Killer 7, here's yet another game on the Wii that I'm excited for. Watch the trailer if you have the time.

2006-09-22T11:21:00.000-06:00

Ok now there's a reason to get a PS3. Granted it's just one and may not be compelling enough but Ninja Gaiden is the reason that I got an Xbox. The two questions though: is this just another rehash or is it a new game? Will it be available for the 360? Those will determine how soon I need a PS3.

Now November's Really Going to Suck

2006-09-22T11:20:00.000-06:00

This time, I really hope it's delayed.

2006-09-19T16:18:00.000-06:00

So I'm not the only on that didn't like Black Dahlia. Granted, I didn't think it was as bad as Filthy, but I was really fucking bored after the first twenty to thirty minutes. Anyway, Filthy's a much better critic than I so he's able to explain what's wrong with it. Thanks for that.

2006-09-17T14:08:00.000-06:00

In the past couple of months I've come to care for John Hodgman a great deal. In fact, BOETP is out right now picking up his book for me. Here's an interview with him that I read earlier this week.

I'm Pretty Sure This Lady Is Going to Hell

2006-09-17T14:03:00.000-06:00

So I got a pamphlet from Dianne Primavera recently. I haven't read up on her extensively, but from what I gather from her pamphlet, she's running on the "I had cancer. Vote for me or you're a dick." platform.

2006-09-16T12:35:00.000-06:00

I stole this from Jared. Badass.

2006-09-16T11:41:00.000-06:00

I am so fucking stoked for November 19th! I don't think I've ever gotten this bent out of shape for a console launch. I also don't think I've ever been this excited for a first person shooter (just watch the trailer, seriously... do it).

Here's a Shocker

2006-09-05T17:28:00.000-06:00

Well, the crocodile hunter is dead. Look, I didn't wish the guy harm or anything (at least not that I can remember... I may have when I watched about 5-minutes of that godawful movie he was in, but it was really bad) but is this really news?

I am quite shocked and distressed at Steve Irwin's sudden untimely and freakish death

The guy spent his time getting his kicks playing with deadly animals. If it didn't happen this week, it was bound to happen next week. Not that I'm judging: if you want to spend your time stabbing yourself in various body parts, to see if you'll live, hell if I care. You're not hurting anyone and you're doing something you enjoy (apparently), but if you die it's not shocking or freakish and it's especially not tragic news.

This is the same thing that pisses me off when a bunch of astronauts get "blowed up." If it's been your life's dream to go into space, dying on the way up or down probably isn't on the top 10 worst ways to go for you. I hope that I die like that (not in a rocket but doing something I love or have always wanted to do).

Anyway, Steve Irwin: he liked fucking with deadly wild animals and that's how he died. I hope it was worth it.

Real Time MTV VMA Thoughts

2006-08-31T19:19:00.000-06:00

I'm watching the VMAs right now. Here's what I'm thinking:

Opening with Jay-Z talking about New York from the top of a building
Hey, it's the jigga-man. I like that guy.

Justin Timberlake's "My Love/SexyBack" Performance
"My Love" is brilliant. Anytime Timbaland whips out the insane BPM ballad you can't go wrong. Also, JT can really dance... holy shit. As SexyBack starts up Timbaland comes out and everything is great. Is JT really tall or is Timbaland just really short? Who cares. I need to see if I can find a leak of the new album.

Jack Black Intor
I used to think this guy was funny. Did I grow up or did he just get worse.

The Raconteurs with Lou Reed
Damn.

Little Kim Presents Best Male
She put on some weight in the slammer and James Blunt sucks.

Best Hip Hop Video Presented by Andre 3000 and Ciara
Boy, that's a pretty conservative outfit for Andre 3000. My Humps is one of the Nominees: Everyone should die. My humps wins over Gold Digger: BOETP seconds the motion.

Shakira performs "My Hips Don't Lie"
That's Shakira, her hips don't lie.

More Raconteurs
I really like these guys.

Best Female Performance
Why is LL Cool J hanging out with 50 Cent. I hate everything. This category is hard: Nelly Furtado's "Promiscuous", Christina Aguilera's "Ain't No Other Man" and Madonna's "Hung Up." I really don't care as long as it's one of those (though I'm pulling for "Promiscuous"). Nope. It's Kelly Clarkson. What a load.

Ludachris and Pharrell Performance
Hey, it's Lil' Jon. Matt really likes this guy but he kind of sucks most of the time. Alright, I haven't really liked the clips of "Shake Your Money Maker" that I've heard thus far but this doesn't sound half bad. Did that chick almost fall? Holy shit, this is a floozy falling frenzy. Nice alliteration. The Pussycat Dolls should really be more attractive. At least they didn't sing when they came out.

Sarah Silverman
Space travel is gay. Ok. Who the fuck is Vanessa, she should be hotter too.

The Raconteurs Again
BOETP: I really like the house band concept; that's what's making it for me. True dat. I really need that album.

Tenacious D Skit
Lame.

Best Dance Video
Jessica Simpson looks good with shorter hair but listening to her talk makes me want to sacrifice her to the wicker people. BOETP: She's falling out of her dress. Nominees: Sean Paul is fakin' Jamacan. Madonna and Promioscuous again. Everything else is crap. And the PCDs win. This is a fuck. Why do people think they're attractive? Oh, and I don't give a fuck about the original PCD... or God. Shut Up! Stop talking. GODDAMN!

OK Go Performance
I've got no problem with Chris Brown. BOETP: Did he just get off shift at McDonald's? These guys had that one single that one time. This is pretty cool. These guys are doing for treadmills what... I have no clue how to finis this sentence. This does remind me of the "Praise You" video though. Song isn't bad either. I also like the idea of a real rock band getting up on stage and not playing the song but doing a "dance" performance to their own music.

Jackass Crap
This snowboard kid is lame. Fuck, he was just a kid when Jackass was on. I'm old as shit.

All American Rejects Performance
Jack Black needs to shut up and Paris Hilton needs to die. She wouldn't know a good message if... All American Rejects suck! They did that Weezer-esqe song that one time and should have just gone away after that. BOETP: They're not very good performers and he's not that strong vocally. Why is he doing that with his shoulders. Fuckin' mookies. They all look kind of like worms.

Best Pop Video
Nick Lachey and Nicole Richey smell like feces. These people make me hate pop and I love pop. Madonna, Promiscuous and Christina are not going to win again. Pink blows. Shakira's hips don't lie. Yup, Pink... Arrghhhhh! What a dumb bitch, why would anyone be afraid to make a video or record an album with Pink? I mean, she stinks, but afraid... Ah, she's probably drunk.

MTV Pimping Himself
John Norris is a gaywad.

Raconteurs
Again, this right here is the highlight of the show.

Best Rap Award
I'm getting really tired of Snoop Dogg. I thought that guys quit weed. BOETP: That way only to coach his son's little league for a year, that guy can't quit. 50 Cent is from Conneticuit. Chamillionaire is ridin' dirty and Three Six Mafia knows all abot sucking. "Ridin' Dirty" wins. I enjoyed that track for a bit but really, I'm done for now. Rappers need to stop thanking God... He fucking hates you! Also, when is the Chamillitary going to be shipped out to Iraq.

Beyonce Performane
Oh, fuck yeah! Goddamm, Beyonce is mad. But I can't take coreographed anger serously. Is Beyonce a mechanical animal? Anyway the way they've marketed this track with the Jay-Z breakup rumors is really smart.

Sarah Silverman Bit/Other Awards
Sarah Silverman is somebody. Don't do drugs.
Gnarls Barkley is great but they're going to kill that track.
Shakira's hips don't lie.
Missy Elliott is really good.

TI Performance
Hey Puff, what the fuck is Danity Kane. That's doesn't mean anything. Apparently you call TI "King." I don't really like this guy. THe production sounds like it may have been on the Young Jeezy album, just not as good. TI-92 would totally kick his ass. Yeah fucker, what you know about differential equations? BOETP: TI Bedazzled his hoodie. That is not street at all. BOETP: It looks like he just used glitter glue... that's what 4-year olds use. Is TI Michael Jackson? I hope not because if he is, those kids in the background are in for it. BOETP: Those kids can't dance, not even the black ones.

Group Video Award
Jared Leto and that Evenescence chick that tries way to fucking hard... great. What happend to that guy. He was an ok actor and now he's just a fucking mookie. Nominees: Crap, Poop, Gnarls Barkley, old band and and Fallout Boy (it's hard to come up with a bigger insult than just calling them Fallout Boy). And All-American Rejects suck they're way up to the stage. And bragging about being wasted went out of style when Meelan was 16.

Raconteurs
"Steady As She Goes" is great. FUCK YOU! Don't cut away when the Raconteurs are playing "Stead As She Goes!"

Ringtone of the Year
No.

Panic at the Disco
I'm just going to start using Fallout Boy as an insult. Ok, is there a difference between Fallout Boy and Panic At the Disco? I think not. Seriously, they just figured out how to be on two stages at once. BOETP: This guy has watched way too much Tim Burton. This lead guy is trying to sound like Harvey Danger only with a lot more suck. Either that or a dying frog. BOETP: This guys is tring to do Mick Jagger. Yeah, except he's not Howlin' Pelle Almqvist.

New Artist Award
Oh look, it's Fergie and that chick from Little Miss Sunshine. What the fuck? This award is so important because it tells you the artist you'll never hear from again. All of these groups suck... ok, Chris Brown and Rihanna are cool, I hope they don't win. Ok, good, some crap band. BOETP: This guy's almost bald. Yup. What the hell does "For all of you that don't know, now you know" mean?

Urge Commercial
Unsuspecting Asian Guy Bondage... Alright.

Raconteurs
This should really just be a Raconteurs concert. It would be a lot better that way. Also, Jack Black and Jack White forming a band, horrible idea.

Best R&B Video
Brittney and K-Fed? Is this supposed to be funny? Just give the award to Chris Brown so we can go home. Dammit. That "Check Up On It" song isn't very good.

Video Vanguard Award
Hype Williams makes some good videos. Oh and to remind of about one of them here's a Busta Rhymes with a bunch of Africans. Apoparently this award is really for Busta because he just keeps sing "Put Ya' Hands Where My Eyez Can See." Now the award's for Missy. Ok, I can get behing this portion for two reasons: 1) she's actually wearing the glad bags and 2) Timbaland gets to come out here again tonight. Now Hype is talking... who names their kid Hype?

Sarah Silverman Comes Out for the Sole Reason of Insulting Paris Hilton
Paris Hilton needs to lose weight... beautiful. "I can't even see the bones in your back and that's gross." Wow. Ok, there are too many things going on right now, just watch it.

Viewers Choice Award Update
Fallout Boy rules among retards. Sorry Chris Brown.

Christina Performance
It kind of sucks that Christina isn't very attractive anymore. I just keep thinking of the "Genie in a Bottle" video and it's like, that's the same chick? Oh well, at least she put out a great album this year. Her voice still kicks almost everyone else's ass out there. Because of that fact, I won't hold her mental retardadtion against her.

Best Rock Award
Lou Reed and Pink... this is a match made in a corporate boardroom. Pink is drunk up there but apparently so is Lou Reed. Lou asks us why MTV doesn't play more rock. Nominees: Jared Leto's band, AFI, Green Day, Fallout Boy, RHCP... that's why MTV doesn't play more rock. And the winner is... not Green Day. BOETP: Thanking your lawyer is the ultimate rock 'n' roll fuck you.

Raconteurs
Cheap Sunglasses with ZZ Top himself. BOETP: Know one there knows what this is and how cool it is.

Raconteurs
Again, I love these guys.

Hip Hop/Rap Fusion Award
The Black Eyed Peas are ugly and stupid which is exactly why Kyle Gass belongs in that band. This Tenacious D crap has got to stop. And lo and behold it does, because my Tivo stopped recording when the shitstorm was supposed to end.

2006-07-07T11:48:00.000-06:00

Redband Trailer for Clerks II

Best Movie Title Ever

2006-06-16T09:25:00.000-06:00

Let me qualify that by saying the best that's actually been used and not a porn movie. Anyway, here's the trailer for:

Borat - Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

I think that I heard it comes out in November.

Update: Put up a new link that works.

2006-06-09T15:19:00.000-06:00

Fuck dude, Maddox wrote a book.

I'm guessing that we can now learn how to kill ourselves like men in hardcover.

2006-05-30T14:34:00.000-06:00

This is something.

2006-05-24T12:13:00.000-06:00

Yup.

2006-05-24T12:09:00.000-06:00

Hey BLM. Remember when this was our life?

Ok, it still is, but I think now we're more subtle about it.

2006-05-17T13:11:00.000-06:00

I like Al Gore.

2006-05-12T14:50:00.000-06:00

Looks like it's getting closer and closer to the time to buy a 360 every day.

2006-05-05T15:52:00.000-06:00

Hey George "These Pieces of Shit Are The Definitive Versions of the Original Trilogy" Lucas. Fuck you, bitch!

(As I bend over and buy your product... but not for a second time like some retards out there.)

2006-04-27T09:37:00.000-06:00

Holy shit, that kid's a CIA field operative now?

Well, he can give everyone at San Espirito a "Hey-ooo" (you know, that stupid sound he used to make in Spanish class) for me.

2006-04-26T10:13:00.000-06:00

This is bad.

2006-04-14T11:17:00.000-06:00

I didn't actually read this (I get the idea). I just am required, by law, to link anything showing, mentioning or alluding to Swank Magazine.

2006-04-14T10:25:00.000-06:00

Ripped this off from Frilly.

Sounds like a sound plan to me. I don't see any way the species as a whole will survive unless most of us are killed. Not that I'm volunteering, just pointing out observations, as I assume he was as well. Being a scientist, I'm guessing that... well, that he's just being a scientist. I'd actually really like to read a review of his speech from someone with a less negative gut reaction to what he's said. (I'm too lazy to find one though.)

Real World: Boringland

2006-04-12T11:34:00.000-06:00

Hey, you want to go make fun of some stupid drunk sluts?

2006-04-05T17:32:00.000-06:00

Well, it doesn't look like they kept the The Passion of the Clerks Title, but this trailer's got some pretty good stuff.

2006-04-01T10:41:00.000-07:00

If this is out by the end of the year, I guess I know what I'm getting for Christmas.

2006-03-28T09:49:00.000-07:00

Why does Metal Steve wear a sweater now?

2006-03-17T12:40:00.000-07:00

Link.

2006-03-14T07:46:00.000-07:00

And Red Robot earns points, yet again, by closing with a Lucifer quote.

2006-02-15T17:10:00.000-07:00

Red Meat: Political

2006-02-14T08:45:00.000-07:00

I could give a shit less about the Americans, but finally Advent Children is coming out.

2006-02-10T17:08:00.000-07:00

So I was reading Rallblog as I often do and I saw this post...

BLM, we can do this.

2006-02-09T10:09:00.000-07:00

So I made the mistake of watching the Grammys again last night. Almost every time I watch this sorry excuse for an awards show, I get pissed of and end up hating ~~myself~~ everything in the morning. The sad thing is, I know how the awards are goiing to go even before turning them on yet I'm still stupid enough to watch... because I'm an idiot.

Let me start off by saying right out: U2 blows. Present tense. They were a great band that made some amazing rock music. In the early 90s they made a transition to a more experimental style gradually utilizing a sound less and less characteristic of their original musical focus. This culminated in Pop (Zooropa was pretty fucking harsh too though) which is my favorite U2 album. (I know I'll probably take shit for that so here's a preemptive fuck you!)

Then U2 decided it needed to get back to it's roots. From what I can tell, this consisted of the four very talented band members taking a very talented shit on two CDs and marketing them as great new albums... and as always, the masses are retarded so they bought it (Brilliant!). U2 has joined the likes of bands/performers like The Rolling Stones, Paul McCartney, Aerosmith, Steely Dan and everyone else that used to be great but is now too old to make interesting music and doesn't have anything left to say but won't go away because people still buy their shit. (Note: This group does not include Springsteen because I still like what he's putting out and he definitely has things to say. It does, however, include Eminem.)

I guess I shouldn't be pissed though. Grammys are historically given to shitty albums (except for Speakerboxxx/The Love Below) so it's fitting.

2006-02-08T18:19:00.000-07:00

No shit asshats?

Note: You don't really need to read this article. Hell, I only got a third of the way through... bathrooms, closets, I get it.

2006-01-31T13:17:00.000-07:00

Dead or Alive news. Good and bad.

2006-01-17T10:50:00.000-07:00

This is the best thing I've seen in awhile.

Stolen from Shane.

2006-01-17T10:03:00.000-07:00

Well, at least I'll have something to watch during the stupid fucking opening ceremonies.

2006-01-09T12:52:00.000-07:00

Alright, here's the first teaser trailer for Clerks 2. Not much substance there, but it's there.

Read This Post Before Scrolling Down If You Don't Want To Ruin The Joke

2005-11-29T14:49:00.000-07:00

So up until this season, I was part of the problem. Hell, I don't know, maybe I still am because I DVR everything I watch on TV (I like being able to skip commercials). Anyway, I was part of the reason that Arrested Development is going to get shitcanned... maybe.

Anyway, I'd seen some random episodes in the past and was fairly amused ("I should probably start watching this.") but didn't watch much TV, due to not having cable, so didn't. Anyway, I've been watching the few episodes that have aired this season and man, is that show great. A better acted or written comedy is not to be found. I dare say that I'm liking this better than even The Job.

I watched an episode last night and literally laughed so hard that my wife was worried that I was going to be ok. I don't think I've even laughed this hard at one joke while watching Schimmel or Carlin (granted that was a contiunous string so it's a little different).

I don't think that the joke will be as funny in this forum, but Tobias Fünke (David Cross' character) was talking about how he was the worlds first combination analysist and therapist. His wife added that he was almost arrested for his business cards.

(Scroll Down)

Girls Aloud - Chemistry

2005-11-29T12:16:00.000-07:00

Alright, the other day Shane hooked me up with the leaked Girls Aloud album Chemistry and wanted my opinion on it. Since, in the recent past, I've been posting nothing but a few sentences on things that are amusing me at the time, I decided that I would put my thoughts here and have something like a real post.

Keep in mind, I've listened to the album two to three times as of the moment so my opinions could change with time.

The Intro is fairly disposable in my opinion. It's not bad or anything, but it's also not the intro to Anniemal which requires repeat listens on its own. That said, it does make a nice lead-in to Models though which is a fairly excellent fast paced start to a good pop album. I don't have much else to say about the track other than I like it.

We then get to Biology, one of the singles already released. For the most part it's a great track. I think Shane has already talked about the fact that it seems to be 3 songs mashed together, but I think it works because the transitions between sections of the song are smooth so that it doesn't feel forced. The only thing about this song that rubs me the wrong way is the chorus. After repeat listens, I've finally figured out that it's the whole spoken crap in the background "the way that we talk... etc." It just doesn't work for me. I'm not sure what should have been done differently and it doesn't ruin the song, by any means.

Wild Horses is a good track but for some reason I keep thinking of the bar scenes "Coyote Ugly." I know that sounds bad because I've criticized that movie a lot, but I don't mean it as a negative. On the other hand, See The Day is crap an I know exactly why. It's too big and grandiose for a broken heart song. Something like this needs to be more personal and focusing on the vocals works a lot better. The music is way to extravagant and overshadows the human emotion. The thing that really frustrates me is that I know that Xenomania can do these songs the right way because they were right on with Hear Me Out on the last album.

Watch Me Go hasn't done much for me yet but isn't bad. Waiting is deceiving because it starts out great but then just kind of flatlines. If something more had been done with the chorus, it could be one of the best tracks on the album, but as is, it goes nowhere.

Whole Lotta History is the first song that I listened to on the album and thought, this is perfect. It's simply a beautiful pop ballad that sounds as if it was pulled out of the 50s. I really don't know much more to say except think five sad girls in poodle skirts and you could make a great video.

Long Hot Summer is also great but has been around for so long it's hard to comment on except to say that it still works even though it's November. The other day I was listening to Jay-Z's volume 3 (I think) and there's the part in the intro where he says something to the effect of I don't care if it's Winter, roll down all the widows and crank it (paraphrase). The same can be said for this song.

Swinging London Town is another one of the amazing tracks here. It explodes and just hammers through until it suddenly drops off (not in a bad way) midway through. The rest of the track is spent building back up until it explodes again to finish out dropping out loops until the end. I feel drained after this track. It's Magic is a great track to follow as it slows things down but keeps them flowing. Everything about this track is great and it just needs to be heard.

Things fall off a little with No Regrets which can basically be described as some generic song with a Latin American feel. All is forgiven quickly though as the last track (and my favorite on the album) Racey Lacey starts. The toybox feel of this song (think Austin Powers score but try not to let the annoyance of the idea of Austin Powers carry over) is just perfect with the description of this... well, slut. The song stays strong the whole way through and then just stops and suddenly ends the album... "Fuck You! I Want More!" Holy shit, that's the way to end an album. Leave me craving another few tracks.

So yeah, good album. Starts out with some pretty decent stuff, but ends incredibly strong. I think that "What Would The Neighbors Say?" had a stronger set of tracks that jumped at me as possible singles but this album has less tracks that I just skip outright because I think they're just plain bad. I don't know, that's my take. If you have any opinions

2005-11-28T17:01:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to post a link to these clips for a few weeks now. I really want to see Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic and I think after watching these, you might too.

...The More You Know (Imagine some faggy star thing in the background)

Update: Also, there's this and this. The clip at the beginning of the NPR interview is brilliant.

2005-11-17T14:41:00.000-07:00

Good. At least no one's screaming "Oscar" like they were when "Eminemovie" came out.

2005-11-14T15:03:00.000-07:00

Seems like a sound philosophy to me.

2005-11-10T12:37:00.000-07:00

After what it took for me to get my hands on DOA: Ultimate, this right here surprises me not at all.

2005-11-02T13:02:00.000-07:00

Just a reminder, George Carlin's new stand-up special, Life is Worth Losing, premiers this Saturday on HBO.

The Onion AV Club has an interview to hold us all over until then.

2005-10-12T12:09:00.000-06:00

The 1930 Mickey Mouse Suicide Extravaganza

Speaking of Mortal Kombat

2005-10-10T15:30:00.000-06:00

I've always been a fan of the Gauntlet series. I used to have the shitty Tiger handheld game and despite the fact that he invisible level always kicked my ass, I still had fun.

Anyway, there's not much actually in this, but I'm obligated to link any interview with Sal Divita.

2005-10-10T14:52:00.000-06:00

Ah, Mortal Kombat.

If I were "Crazy Mexican Hat Man" I would do exactly that.

2005-10-03T22:15:00.000-06:00

Fucking yes.

Sidenote: Bob Saget says that Dave Coulier shaves his Balls and that if you ever see him doing stand-up you should yell out, "You shave your balls!" He will then apparently stop and reply, "I hate Bob." Then he will call Bob Saget and ask, "Why do you keep telling people that I shave my balls?" to which Bob will respond, "Because you do."

2005-09-28T23:31:00.000-06:00

Anyone want a copy of the new Rachel Stevens album?

2005-09-26T12:42:00.000-06:00

Damn. The more I hear about this game, the more I think that the Xbox 360 will be the first next-gen system I'm persuaded to purchase (despite the fact that I'm more excited about the Revolution).

2005-09-19T00:24:00.000-06:00

So Nintendo released the Revolution controller. I was a little worried with some of the rumors I'd heard, but after reading a couple of articles, I think I'm in on this one.

2005-09-13T15:24:00.000-06:00

Well, Trey Parker will be doing "Pig-Fucker Jokes" at least until he's 39.

2005-09-01T12:45:00.000-06:00

So this is what I was thinking, but Danny found a much better example than any of the ones I did.

2005-08-24T12:35:00.000-06:00

So Ted Rall has an interesting article this week. Something I've actually been thinking about a lot lately as I've started buying vinyl (along with my CDs).

A lot of the article makes sense, but when I get to the end there's a part of me that doesn't really care if our history is available for future generations because I don't think there will be many more. As Carlin says "humanity is just circling the toilet bowl."

Why "The Job" is One of the Greatest Cancelled Shows of All Time

2005-08-09T09:28:00.000-06:00

One thing I'm certain of, she's not a nun. I asked her to name the Holy Trinity. I couldn't hear the first two names, but the last one was Steve and I know that's not right.

- Mike's cousin Sean, the Priest

2005-08-08T10:47:00.000-06:00

I like Combusitble Orange a lot. Not only because the comics they post are funny (when they post them), but also for the info I get from the site (usually music related).

For example, apparently the new Sigur Ros and Dangerdoom (MF DOOM and Dangermouse) albums have leaked. I know what I'm doing on Soulseek tonight.

2005-08-02T18:27:00.000-06:00

I found this over at the Cake website. All I can say is that this is the definition of pimp.

2005-08-01T23:21:00.000-06:00

Hey! Anyone out there heard that stupid fucking NIN song Only (great catchy pop song, but stupid as shit in the lyrics department). Well, it turns out that Richard X is doing a remix. This should be lots of fun.

Cue the music...

2005-07-25T11:06:00.000-06:00

Alright, Antiwang's dead... again.

Update: Apparently they just faked their death for awhile to stir anticipation for their next release... like Tupac.