So yesterday morning, during my drive to work (which lasted two hours, because it snowed on Sunday and apparently Colorado residents have never seen snow before. Ok, it was pretty icy but still.) I was listening to the radio and what I heard made me laugh, once again, at the pathetic state of humanity.

Apparently, the winter X-Games were postponed yesterday (or Sunday, I can't remember which). Now this alone makes me happy because, fuck the X-Games. "Hey look, I'm dangerous, I can do tricks on my snowmobile. Look at me! Whee!" Fuck you buddy. If you want to play a truely dangerous sport try your hand at Shark Rodeo, South American Train Surfing or Thunderball.

But here's what legitimizes my claim that the pansys have no balls. The Winter X-Games were postponed because of... 3 inches of snow. Excuse me. Wait, wait, you want me to think you're a bad motherfucker, cause you can do some stupid ass flip on your snowboard (or your POS of choice), but you have to stop and come inside for hot chocolate and cookies when it starts snowing? That's extreme... -ly fucking sad. Look, I make a motion that everyone stop watching this shit until these guys either a) remove any notion of thew concept of "extreme" from this weak shit henceforth known as the _-Games or b) somebody gets ground up in the tread of his snowmobile during blizard conditions with his mother watching. Now that's extreme motherfucker! (Besides, I'd really like to see these fucks in a bloodbath highlight on sportscenter)

Fuck.

God made us number one 'cause he loves us the best, well he should go bless someone else for awhile and give us a rest.
- Ben Folds on the USA, All U Can Eat

Make me feel tiny if it makes you feel tall, but there's always someone cooler than you.
- Ben Folds, There's Always Someone Cooler Than You

Man, I really should not have waited this long to buy Sunny 16

So every once in awhile... alright, all the time, I get these stupid little questions running through my head that I feel the need to find the answer to. Just the other day, my wife found a prospective new job working for a guy with the last name of Boone. My first response is, "Does he wear a coonskin cap everywhere? If my last name were Boone, I'd wear a coonskin cap and carry an old-school shotgun everywhere." This is my response because I'm stupid.

But here's where I get locked in thought. I jump from this to, "You know, I've never met or heard of anyone with the last name of Hitler. Where did all the Hitler's go? I mean it's a last name so there have to be Hitlers somewhere, right?" It is then pointed out (which I do already know, I'm just being retarded) that all of the Hitlers probably changed their last name due to the fact that... Hitler tends to be frowned upon, especially in Germany and the rest of Europe, where the name originated.

I know that this is probably the case, but I keep thinking, there had to be someone with the balls to keep the last name of Hitler. Because of this I've been scanning the phone books every once in awhile for the last few days looking for "Joe Hitler." He's got to be somewhere. I probably wouldn't want to meet him though, anyone with the balls to keep the name Hitler is probably some white-supremacist fuck anyway.