I am obligated to link anything with male full-frontal nudity.

I'm Really Excited.

No joke here, I'm just relly excited for The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou. Seriously, go watch the trailer right now... I'll wait.

..c'mon, go do it. If you don't smile while watching it... well, you're an idiot and I'm not going to do a damn thing for you. Look asshole, just do it, I'm tired of this crap.

Ok, you done. Doesn't that movie look great? I think so.

Of all of the directors currently making movies, Wes Anderson is my favorite. I mean, I really like Kevin Smith, Darren Aronofsky... Tarentino is back on my list after Kill Bill, but Anderson knows how to tell a story about relationships and not fuck it up. There's a real quality to the character reactions that he captures that isn't there in other films. Even if the reaction is absurd (I think of Chas Tenenbaum and his reaction to his wife's death in The Royal Tenenbaums) there's a believability to it. All of this mixed with his trademarked subtle humor... what's not to like.

As I was smiling my way through the trailer, I also noticed another name in the credits (I'll get to Bill Murray and Owen Wilson in a second), Noah Baumbach. Baumbach made one of my favorite movies ever: Kicking and Screaming. I'm serious, this is in one of the top three slots on my favorite of all time list and I don't see it moving out of there... ever. I'm pretty sure that no one wants to hear the backstory, but there's a good chance that if it weren't for that movie, my wife and I wouldn't be married. Needless to say the movie had an effect on me.

You want to talk about artistic handling of relationships, Baumbach is up there. I kind of want to go into more detail about Kicking and Screaming and why I love it so much, but right now, I don't think I can put the time in to do it justice. If you want to see a really good film, there's my recommendation.

Alright, Owen Wilson... why has he been in mostly shite movies lately? It's not like this guy doesn't have any talent in him either. He's not Ben Asslick who basically sucks until he's given a good script... then he just does his best not to fuck it up so Kevin Smith can get a decent movie out of it. Owen Wilson generally brings something to the part. He's great in Anderson's movies (which could be attributed to his co-authoring the three thus far) and it's not always the same role (as it is with Asslick: constipated). From Dignan (the optimistic failure) to Eli Cash (the superstar trainwreck) to Hansel (the male-model... enough said) he's ready to work when the people around him obviously care. Lately, he's been incrap though, so I hope this reminds everyone that, "oh yeah, Owen Wilson isn't just a high-dollar actor, he's also good.

Now, best for last, Bill Murray... god fucking dammit that guy deserves an oscar! Ever since Groundhog Day, it's been pretty obvious that this man is an acting genius, give him his due! I was really, really pissed off that he wasn't even nominated for Rushmore. The cannonball scene portrayed a loneliness and despiration for life that I've never seen captured on film before or again. Sure, part of that was due to direction and cinematography, but Bill Murray was amazing. I'm glad he was nominated last year for Lost in Translation and was pulling for him, but I really want to see him win in an Anderson film. Hopefully this is the year.

Alright, I have no conclusion.

Alright! Carlin's new book, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops comes out October 12th. When we saw him earlier this year he opened with "A Modern Man."

100th Post! ...Kill Me (A Review of AVP)

Alright, I'm going to start by pointing out that this is my hundredth post. So if you want to send me some money as a congratulations gift via paypal, feel free!

So that's that, on to the main course. I went to see Alien vs. Predator this evening and let me start out by saying, I don't even know why I bother to go to the movie theater anymore. Granted, AVP really wasn't that bad, per se... it's the other shit.

Normally when going to the movies, other people are the most infuriating part. Just a bunch of cretins babbling on about the stupidest crap before, during and after the movie. It would be a minor annoyance, if the stupidty weren't in such a concentrated form. Luckily, in my expedition this evening, there were only 8 or 9 people besides myself in the theater so I didn't feel bombarded by mindlessness. In fact, only once did I hear something stupid and that was while the credits were rolling so I guess I should be thankful. Thanks non-existant god!

What pissed me off tonight was the "pre-show" entertainment... yea. I remember when this junk was called a commercial block, but hey let's just eat the shit they're shoveling down our throats and be "entertained." Let's see, first I saw a preview of the Resident Evil Special Edition DVD coming out just in time for you to buy it and watch before seeing Resident Evil: Apocalypse... well slap my face and call me a bitch! I've always wanted... don't care. First movie was loaned to my wife and I by a co-worker while she was working her bank job. I already thought this girl might be an idiot and her recommendation of this flick confirmed it. Milla Jovovich is attractive and all, but boy is she in some crappy movies.

Then there was the commercial for the new CG show from the makers of Shreck. The thing that pissed me off here was that everyone kept talking about how "It's movie quality animation on your television." Meanwhile, I kept thinking: "Boy, this animation looks really rushed. It's not very good at all. They should have gotten the Shreck guys to work on this."

After that bombardment, it was on to the previews. Now normally, I like previews because there's usually something I see that i didn't know about that looks interesting. Not this time, the highlights were the preview for the aforementioned Resident Evil: Apocalypse and some movie with Jimmy Fallon and Queen Latifa in a suped up cap chasing around hot bank robbers... yeah, nothing but quality for the AVP crowd.

There were two previews that really pissed me off though. The first was this preview for Friday Night Lights, a stupid Texas high school football movie. Look, we get it! They're crazy about high school football in Texas! Enough with the fucking movies that make meatheaded football players all over the U.S. feel important! Besides, didn't we say enough about Texas high school football with that stupid Dawson movie.

The second was this movie Paparazzi. It's this "Boo-hoo, I'm a whiny bitch of an actor and photographers won't leave me alone. Why won't they leave me alone?" flick. Anyway, the titular paparazzi are unnecessarily evil and decide to ruin this guy so he decided to off them. First of all, paparazzi don't care about ruining people! They just want cash! Secondly, if you're famous and paparazzi are harassing you, quit! If you can't take it, get out! If you want the money, there's some shit you have to deal with so get over it! Did I forget anything... oh yeah: SHUT UP YOU WHINY CUNTS!!! (Also, this movie was produced by Mel Gibson... I'll just leave it at that.)

So, finally Alien vs. Predator... goofy shit is the best way to sum it up. Definitely not good, but not bad, just dumb. Well short summary, group goes to underground pyramid in the antarctic, and stumbles upon an ancient ritual of, you guessed it, Aliens vs. Predators.

One thing that irked me is that for most of the battle scenes they did the "camera real close and all over the place" shots that pissed me off so much in that hole of a movie Armageddon. I would have liked to have seen more wide-angle shots of the battles so I could tell what was going on and see the bad-assed moves. Unfortunately those were few and far between. Anyway, three predators are sent into the pyramid to kill a slew of aliens and the humans are in the middle.

It comes down to one human, the female lead, one predator and a fuck-load of aliens. They team up as they need each other and I couldn't help but thinking, the rest of the way through the movie, "That chick totally wants that ugly motherfucker's big ole' predator-cock." Seriously, there was this strange sexual tension the rest of the way through the flick. Anyway, they're victorious, but only after the predator is killed by the Alien Queen. Now, during this final battle, the chick takes of most of her winter garb and I kept telepathically saying to her "You're in Antarctica, put your clothes on" because I know she could sense my thoughts through the screen.

Anyway, the other predators show up and take chickie's lover and they let her live because of her new predator tatoos. The thing that bugged me here was that she didn't ask them for a ride. I mean, she's in Antarctica with her whole team dead for Christ's sake, how the hell is she getting home? Hop the Metro?

So then the flash to the predator ship where an alien pops out of dead-predator man's chest at which point the idiot in the back of the theater starts talking about how 'there's got to be a squal with an ending like that." I don't know chief, we just saw one predator take out most of these guys, I think a whole crew of them can probably finish this one off. Actually, why did they end the movie like that... see, goofy.

Anyway, I went to see AVP because I bought the original Predator, which I really do like (one of two Schwarzenegger flicks I will say are good), and got a free ticket. Without the freebee, probably not worth it.

So there, that's my review. Oh, I almost forgot: As a note, before starting this movie I was already aware of the 9-minute rape scene.

You know, I really don't like buying bootlegs. Seriously, for almost every mp3 I've ever downoaded and listen to on a regular basis I now own the CD. All of the anime fansubs I have, I am either in the process of buying or have bought. I really believe that if someone puts out a product that I enjoy, I should buy it... plus I have OCD and am a liner notes junky.

But, you know, if George Lucas is going to be a fucker and not release the original theatrical cuts of The Holy Trilogy, fuck him. I'm going to look into this at some point, but you know what's going to happen: Either Lucas will decide he wants more money and release the originals eventually or he'll decide to stick to his hard-lined stance and the studio will release the originals when he dies.

Either way, I really hope that asshole is killed soon... and painfully.

Alright, for awhile now I've wanted to try playing Dance Dance Revolution... but not in public... because I'll probably suck... and look funny. Well, I was talking with Shane this weekend and he just got a PS2, a pad and DDR and has started playing at home. He seconded my not playing in public stance (at least until you get good) but later when we were talking XBox Live he was saying that he was pretty sure you could play DDR over Live.

Now I didn't DDR was even out for the XBox, but I did a check and sho 'nuff, it's there. Even says Live right on the front. Now if I get this, I'd really want one of the cool metal arcade pads, because that would be fucking harsh. As I've still never played the game though (because of the dishonor it could cause my family) and $300 kind of looks like some almost real money, I should probably go more around this route. Second pad would be for my wife as it would be pretty hard to embarass myself around her anymore that I already have. Also, then we can both look like fools (as opposed to me looking like one while she watches).

Anyway, BLM could get one and we could play over Live. That way no one (sans afore mentioned wife) can see the two of us flailing around like white boys high on coke.

So it's probably not all that funny now with people's entire lives runied and all of their posessions destroyed and whatnot, but man, was Hurricane Charlie cracking me up before it hit.

I don't know if I had just turned on the radio at the right moment or if someone actually just refered to the storm as "Charlie" because at one point I heard that "Charlie was expected to come on shore..." at such and such a time. Well, all I could think of was some homeless, schizophrenic, shell-shocked Vietnam veteran hearing this thinking, "Oh shit! Goddam VC's coming to finish the job! Commie Bastards!"

Well, then my mind delved further, creating a perfect image of a slew of VC (dressed in the black pajamas of course) slithering up the shores of Florida, ready to kill the resident seniors and trailer park residents and claim the territory for Ho Chi Minh. Of course, after they succeeded, there would be a big commie parade featuring "The People's Truck" and everyone would live happily ever after.

I may need some help.

Current Music Selection: Not a Goddamm Thing! I really need to start bringing music to work. I do, however, have Love Delicatessen by PUSA runing through my head right now.

So there are a few things I've been meaning to 'blog on for the past couple of days.

First of all, The Filthy Critic reviewed The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement and you should seriously check it out. It's almost as brilliant as his review of Mariah Carrey's Glitter. Self mockery, mixed with criticism of a shit movie, at it's finest.

Secondly, speaking of PUSA, they apparently have a new album out. I'm thinking of picking it up, because the Presidents are a decent band, but I'm reluctant because I was disappointed by their last album, Freaked Out and Samll (I know the All Music Guide reviewer liked it but... meh). I'll probably just get it, but has anyone out there in internet land heard anything off of this new one? If so let me know what you think.

Finally, I added a link to a fried of mine from school, Shane over at The Jeff Hostetler of Blogs. It was defunct for awhile, but he seems to be starting in on music reviews again. I also linked Life is woo woo because I've been reading Frilly's stuff a lot lately. Sadly though, Blog of Rage is gone because, well, I can't get to it anymore.

Anyway, that's it. Oh, i also added links for myself. There. That's it.

I initially was going to post this as a comment over at BLM's blog but then I realized I haven't updated my site in a little bit and decided it's post-worthy.

Speaking of the Olympics, that Michael Phelps kid can't make his goal of 8 Gold Medals... good, fuck him!

That fucking arrogance: "I'm going to go to the Olympics and win 8-golds because I'm better than everybody." (This is not an exact quote.)

You know what, first of all, you're a prick. Period.

Secondly, if you went into the competition saying, "I'll do my best" a high medal count would look pretty good, now you're a loser because you got two bronzes.

Thirdly, be more humble... and this is coming from me.

Lastly, you're a swimmer, you have no right to be arrogant, alright. You play in a fucking pool. It's not like you're a real, respected athlete or anything.

In conclusion, I hope Michael Phelps dies. I initially said in a car fire, but then my wife said he should drown... I like that, it's better.

The Onion. Mocking cretins weekly, so you don't have to.

Alright, this actually seems to be a good casting job. If anyone could pull of the part, it would be Steve Carell. Both actors (Carell and Don Adams) have a similar delivery style. As long as the script isn't shit, it could make for a good flim... but who's going to be 99?

I know that BLM is a huge Get Smart fan (if I remember correctly, it was 7th grade that he went as Maxwell Smart for Halloween... looking sharp as shit, I might add) so I'm interested to hear what he thinks.

Pop Punk is Dead

So the other day I was looking around on Jared's blog and saw his section for nerdcore hip-hop. I tend to enjoy a lot of nerdcore just because it tends to be about shit I care about. In fact, at one point I was determined to become a rapper that only busted rhymes about Chemical Engineering topics: process, equipment sizing, etc.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) this dream fell into the 93% abyss.

So I still haven't had a chance to check out Optimus Rhyme yet, but I plan on getting around to it soon (I just can't really check it out here at work, that's all). However, this weekend I was watching my Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Sealab 2021 discs and stumbled upon mc chris.

Wow.

When I first heard "I Want Candy" in the MC Pee Pants episode of ATHF, I found it annoying, but catchy (not an original concept by the way the show treated the track). Of course "For Da Shorties" showed up and it was more of the same.

In the Sealab episode they went to an mc chris show and as I listened, I realized he was rapping about Boba Fett. Fucking Boba Fett! From that point, I had to seek out more.

Well, I ended up finding his website and downloaded his album Life's a Bitch and I'm Her Pimp... this man is a genius. "fett's vette" is, indeed, about Boba Fett and how he's a bounty hunter in order to pay for his phat ride. "the tussin (robotussin)" has to be one of the best though. Anyone that samples the theme song from the original Gauntlet and writes lyrics like "I'm trippin' like Jesus in the desert when he fasted" is definitely on to something.

So yeah, I really enjoy mc chris, if you've got any interest, download the album (just fucking do it, it's free). And Jared, if you like it, that's another link to add under nerdcore hip-hop, so that's something.