Alright, so I got David Cross' Let America Laugh DVD the other day and I finally watched it last night. Man, that's good stuff. As opposed to the typical stand-up gig DVD, it's a documentary about a tour he did a couple of years back. Now as much a I'd love to have a straight-up stand-up performance DVD (like his HBO special from a few years ago), this is much better.

It's not so much about the comic routine as the comedy that happens everywhere, all the time... and the stupid fucking bullshit and stupid fucking people you have to put up with when you're on tour. One of the highlights (at least in my opinion) was an interview that David Cross was giving to this twentysomething, unwashed, jack-off. This kid is going through his interview questions and it comes out that all of the questions that he's asking are based on an older interview from another magazine. Finally David asks him why in his article, he doesn't just refer people to the older interview? The kid just doesn't get it and keeps going. Well, my description hasn't been very good thus far, so I'm going to cut out while I'm only a little ways behind.

Moral of the non-story is, if you like David Cross, pick up a copy. If you don't know who David Cross is, try to find some of his stand-up to watch and make a decision. If you don't like David Cross, you're an idiot.

What honesty in politics would probably look like if BLM and I ran together on a ticket.

Once again, The Onion proves how greatly enhanced a joke can be with a couple of pictures.

Just when you think that the internet couldn't get any stupider.

If you look at number 19 it seems that the New York Press hates David Cross for all of the reasons I like him.

No Thanks to Jesus for the Bloody Heathens at Game Stop

So, I think that I've made it pretty evident here that I'm not a fan of organized religion, but maybe not, I don't know. That could be just in my head. Anyway, I was over at BLM's place on Saturday Night and I picked up a copy of The Book of Mormon (I found it under a rock ) and he picked up Ninja Gaiden. The Adventures of Yuna in North America was as expected, pretty fucking retarded and wasn't even that much fun while drinking. I mean, it's pretty and all, but after that intro that made me feel like a strange uncle touched me in my bathing suit area, it was kind of over. I'm sure I'll pick it up again at some point but...

Then we popped in Ninja Gaiden... holy fuck! That game is pretty, fun and hard as shit (and I'm not touching hard mode). Anyway, that game snapped something in me. I went from, "I'll get an XBox eventually," to "If I can't get an XBox, someone's fucking dead!"

Well, obviously, yesterday was Easter, or as my wife puts it, "The day Christ had spikes nailed through him so that we can get presents." This seemingly posed a problem. Neither the Media Play or Super Target we checked out was open, which had me asking why God had forsaken me. But then my wife saw the diamond in the rough across from Target... Game Stop. Apparently Game Stop owners are going to hell as well, so they were open. As payment for being fellow sacrilegious fucks, like myself, they got a customer coming in and asking for an XBox, second controller, Ninja Gaiden and DOA3. Do the math, going to hell is well worth the money they made off of me yesterday.

So yes, I am a happy camper. After obtaining the system, we went to my parents' place for dinner. I couldn't wait until I got home, so I hooked up the box there. My parents were very entertained by DOA3 (they both kicked each other's ass a few times). Overall, it was a great day.

But I just wanted to thank Game Stop for staying open on yet another "Lord's Day" and being willing to take my money on said day. Boody heathens, we salute you. Oh and you probably saved a life.

If you want to check out the new blog that BLM and I have put together... you're retarded. Ok, I understand if you have some morbid curiosity, but you're not going to like it. Well, go on, get it over with.

Alright, i still like irony and all, but Sweet Fucking Christ the people on this planet piss me off!

I could give more of a commentary on this, but if you have to ask, you'll never know.

And officially, I, much like Frilly Panties, am a Grammar God.

Hey, check it out, somebody likes me:

Blog of Rage

Thanks go out to "The Angry One" for linking my piece of shit.

So I finally got me one of those searches that I need to share (and not because of that post yesterday, supprisingly):

kellog's porn

I mean, I like watching Nutri-Grain Bars fucking Pop Tarts as much as the next guy but... ok, I'm stopping the joke. What the hell was this guy looking for?

Ok, I heard this on NPR this morning so if you want to listen to the whole story instead of just this snippet, go there. This gives the idea though, it's just amplified by listening Christo and his wife talk.

I fucking hate pretentious artist cocksuckers like Christo. I hope that he gets mugged in Central Park while he's putting up his drapes. Hell, I hope for worse! I mean, if he and his wife are killed, it'll at least do something... make a good Law and Order episode.

Woo Hoo! I'm never going to get prostate cancer! Not because I'm Big John Stud, getting pussy all the time. (I mean, I'm married. I get some when she caves... just kidding hon.) But I do have one thing going for me: I masturbate more than any man in the world. It runs in my family. My dad has a porn collection that puts almost everyone I know to shame. Now I'm talking physical porn as my dad has only limited experience with the internet as of yet. So this is excluding BLM and John who both do know the internet, but my point is my dad has a lot of porn... oh, and he rents a lot too.

Ok, back to my main point. I beat off a lot. 21 ejaculations a month (does that seem like a magic number they picked out of the air to you too?), ha! I guarantee I top that by at least 10 (in a 31 day month) and that's a slow month. Hell, if I miss a day, I'll make it up somewhere. Shit yeah, it's cool. Just to give you an example and myself some street cred, when my wife and I were dating it was a long distance relationship so we didn't get to see each other all the time. After she left after we first had sex, I couldn't get enough of myself. That next week, I averaged three times a day, topping out at six one day. Now I don't recommend that as I was fairly sore and had to drop down to one the next day, but later in the week, I got back on the horse.

Oh, and who are these pathetic sacks that only ejaculate four to seven times a month? Repressed, that's who they are! Four to seven... child's play.

So I guess that the moral is, not only should you play with your balls (as Tom Green said) but you should also be like your buddy Elijah the Prophet and "conjugate the verb" frequently so that you don't get cancer.

And as I've grown more and more morally bankrupt, taking an idea from BLM and John, just to get my site traffic up and make myself feel better:

Inspector Gadget and Brain fuck Penny with Japanese sailor schoolgirls and women fucking for money in pantyhose... "yeah, it's well wicked."

P.S. If you get here from a search page because of any of these keywords, fucking leave because I just wanted your hit. (As if you wouldn't anyway.)

Oh yeah, I found out that movie "The Girl Next Door" is about a high school kid falling for the Ex-Porn Star that moved in next door. Also, that Elisha Cuthbert looks really good in this movie. Why does she look like shit on the cover of Maxim or whatever fucking men's (read with disdain) magazine she was on the cover of recently. Seriously, I was like, who the fuck is this new, ugly blonde.

Also, here's a link to the European preview. I put this up here for two reasons:

1) Beacuse I kind of want to see this movie now

2) And to illustrate, yet again, how fucking much we suck in comparson to Europe.

Why is ther so mush shit just wrong with everybody? Everyone is so fucking stupid. Lot's of thoughts running through my head as I read this article:

- Hey, alright, I like naked girls. We should definitely have more pictures of naked girls in the hallways of our hallowed institutions. I know that would help me releive stress (in the stall between classes). And girls that actually go to the school makes it an even better idea. I mean you could be walking around campus and say, "I think I've seen that girl naked," and you could be right. You could never be sure though, as the head's are removed on the pictures. Which reminds me of one of my favorite jokes:

Q: How do you describe the perfect woman?
A: I don't know, but she's probably pretty hot.

- Put a "No Fat Chicks" bumper sticker on that last comment.

- Hey, how about you go to college, and "SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT YOUR GODDAMM WHINY PROBLEMS!" Sorry, but I went to college a few years ago, and at times I was down, but I didn't need a fucking puppy to hug before exams! You know what I did, I sucked it up and I passed my classes... or failed that one, but one fucking F isn't gonna fuck you. It's life, you're gonna fail sometimes, get used to it. Oh, and when I was really depressed, I did talk to people, they're called friends and family. People that actually care, as opposed to some jack off psych major (I'm speculating here). Oh and here's a novel idea, if you want to vent your problems, feed them to the internet community annonymously like the rest of us.

Now I admit, there are people that actually have mental disorders that do need help in college, but most of these kids are just spoiled, whiny fucks with too much time to think on their hands. Instead of thinking about the reall problems of the world, they get these "woe is me" emo ideas in their heads. You know what, kill yourself, I'm not gonna care (unless I know and like you in which case: Don't kill yourself, what are you, fucking stupid!?)

- Eating disorders are Suburban American Shit. I'm pretty sure that no one in ethopia has an eating disorder other than lack of food. As the man says, "Rich cunt don't wanna eat, fuck her!"

- What the fuck is wrong and what the fuck happened to these yuppie, boomer parents? Look, get off your kids backs, they're gonna fuck up sometimes, and you know what, that's ok! Think about what you did in school: drugs, sex, protests, more sex, more drugs and an orgy here and there. Your kids are gonna do the same thing. The fact that you acid freaks came up with "Just Say No!" is hypocritical (and stupid) beyond beleif. And why is this the slogan? Was there any real harm? From what I can tell, you ended up regretting that night with the two blonds and the horse, but you learned from it and still made it to where you are now... just as boring as your parents were. Chances are the same thing is going to happen with your kids.

And about the "I'm paying good money so I should see results" mentality. Stop. It's your fucking choice to take out the loan so it's your problem. Your kids are adults and don't have to answer to you anymore... legally! If you don't want to take on the financial burden, don't. Your kids can work through school and you can help them out a little and things will be fine. Or you can help them get legally emancipated and they'll be rolling in the financial aid money (I've seen it). Hell, they can even go to a state school as opposed to these pretentious, private pieces of shit. Your undergrad means dick anyway!

So that's what I've got, I should get back to work now.

Wow! Check it out! If the UConn women w...

Don't Care.

I found this on the Cake website the other night (which is somewhere I've actually found an abundance of cool shit) and thought that it was kind of cool. Also, it looks like Cake will have a new album out this summer.

"Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer waht
oredr the ltteers in a wrod are in; the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the
frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses
and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid
deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe."

Good interview with Carlin. I'm a fan of the point put forward that realists are simply dissappointed idealists. I've felt that way about myself for just about... forever. I'm a generally happy person with some "major psychotic fucking hatreds" simply because I think that things can and should be better. That's why "the public sucks. Fuck hope."

Well, it's Sunday and I really don't have anything of note to 'blog about, but i figure that I better get one in just to keep myself on track. So I guess this is going to be one of those: Hey, I'm so important that everyone wants to know what I did this weekend because their lives are just as bankrupt as mine. Woo hoo! Seriously, I am not the one to come to for an interesting update. Seriously, here's my weekend:

- Friday: Ate at Chili's, saw Hellboy. (Pretty decent flick BTW, there were some problems I had initially with character development, but as I look at it more, it may just be that I'm not used to someone getting a comic book movie right. It really was like a single story arc, simply as snapshot in one piece of the characters' lives. The ending was a little anti-climactic, but other than that, I enjoyed it.)

- Saturday: Got Red Hat 9 set up on my machine. That was a bitch. I tried just upgrading from 7.2 initially and ended up having to scrap everything, back up the important stuff and start from scratch. It's working seemingly well now, but I installed GNOME and I'm not a fan so far. I think I'm going to take a que from BLM and give FVWM a go. I just got to get around to installing it now.

- Sunday: Slept. I was up until about 5 am (new time) and then before going to bed, checked to see if my mom was online... she was. Talked with her until about 5:30 and finally went to bed. But not before finding episodes of Sifl and Olly on suprnova.org which John refered me to.

So yeah, boring, but good, weekend. That's about it. Now I'm going to go clean up downstairs, so I'll write something later when I have something to say.