Alright, so I just found out that Bizarlaritz is my imaginary friend so I had to move her (not pre- or post-op, she's always been that way... I think) up to the posse section.

Nobody Likes Me So I'd Appreciate It If You Got Off My Back!

Alright, I'm not used to having people link to me because, frankly, I'm just not very good. Apparently though, some people like what I'm doing enough (or just feel bad enough: "Look at the poor little retarded boy trying to entertain people. I should be nice and give him a link.") to link me. So here are a couple of reciprocal links.

First off, Celtic Cross. I'm a fan of the "Tatoo of the Day" segment. I always like to see the various ways people scar themselves for life (physically, although emotionally can be fun to watch too if you're a sick prick like me). Seriously though, I've wanted to get this tatoo for probably the last eight years (minus the personal info stuff... but that might be cool too, now that I think about it). Maybe someday, I will, but I just can't make that scarring dicision right now.

Secondly, there's bizarlaritz. I'm not sure if this blog is good as nothing has been written there yet, except for some links. One link is to BLM so I'm interested in what this guy/girl/pre-op transexual has to say.

Last off, I'm finally linking Jared. I've read his stuff for awhile and just haven't taken the time to add him (I always just get there through BLM). Well, now I have a link here. Woo-hoo!

Anyway, there's my piss-poor update for the day. I better get back to work because I have a decent amount of things I have to accomplish before I leave for the long weekend. Although, i don't know if I can really call it a long weekend when I'm using Monday to punish myself for the past year's transgressions.

In my continuing "catching up on the archives" I found this strip. It's not really that funny, just true. If you don't agree, get over yourself you fucking dork!

I think you're the greatest, but my dad says you don't work hard enough on defense.

The hell he doesn't! He was out there bustin' his butt every night. And now Kareem is co-author on a book about the 761st Tank Battalion, an all black battalion during WWII.

Now, most of the time, I have no desire to read anything written by athletes. For the most part, it's just self-congratulatory bullshit written by guys with almost a third-grade education.

This, however, looks and sounds like it's a real book about something that people should care about (as opposed to the worthless lives of celebrities). If you click the title link it goes to an article with links to the NPR interview I heard this morning and it sounds like Kareem actually researched and cares about the topic. Besides, I know that Kareem is actually smart so I don't mind reading his stuff.

Anyway, if you care, and want a little history lesson, read the article. Me, I'm gonna' go out and buy the book at some point.

Oh, yeah. I almost forgot one of my most poignant thoughts while listening this morning: I want a friend named "Smitty."

So I've been reading Penny Arcade on a regular basis for awhile now but I'd never really gone through the archives systematically. Well, I started doing it recently and today I happened upon this and laughed out loud for a good twenty-seconds.

He'll Be Back

So last night Law & Order saw Jerry Orbach's character Lenny Briscoe "put in his papers" and retire from the force. Initial reaction: bad times.

However, throughout the episode, while talking about retirement, he keeps mentioning the DA's investigative squad. Reaction: Good times.

So it looks as if, while Lenny Briscoe will no longer be a regular member of the NYPD, he'll be coming back for some "special guest appearances" in the not too distant future.

Alright, this post is lame so I'll end it here.

Dooode!

Ahh, Chicago.

You know, I really like living in the Denver area. I mean, this is a really nice area. We have the mountains in our backyard to handle all of our outdoor needs. The school system here isn't totally going to hell (yet). I don't really have to (realistically) worry about people stealing my shit or killing me (if you don't include highway overpass girders).

As much as I like living here, if I got an offer to move anywhere within a few hours of Chicago... fuck it, I'm out.

So as you may already know (as I get all of my site traffic from him), BLM, my wife and I were all vacationing in Chicago this past weekend, using an anime convention as a good front for a glorified shopping expedition. Not that we didn't participate in (minimal) con activities or do anything besides shopping, but shopping took up most of our time (as a note, according to our original schedule eight and half hours were allocated to drinking, shopping took up way more).

Anyway, I could go off from here about all that happened on our vacation, however, as BLM pointed out, no one likes hearing about other people's vacations. Besides, it'll be a lot funnier when you don't care to hear about it from him.

No, I'm just going to go on and list all of the ways Chicago is better than Denver. Also, if anyone that lives in Denver is reading this and can contradict me on any of this, I'd appreciate it:

- The Art Institute of Chicago: So my wife just finished up here school semester and she was taking an art appreciation class so we went to the Denver Art Museum a couple of times over the past month. Now, I like the Denver Art Museum and all, but I can maybe spend four or five hours there before getting bored. Most of it, I've seen before and it's not very big. The Art Institute, however, took up four or five hours of our time and we hadn't even scratched the surface. I mean seriously, at the end it was like, fuck it, we have to go through only the shit we really want to see and we have to do it lightning round style. I'm convinced you need three or four full days to see everything in that place.

- Shed Aquarium: For the 1,457th time, I missed Shed on my trip to Chi-town. I'll tell you one thing though, it's got to be better than the limp dick that is Ocean Journey

- Mitsuwa Marketplace: As far as I know, we don't have an Asian Mall in Denver. I mean, there's the section of Federal, but nothing like Mitsuwa Marketplace. I mean, where else can I find Masterpiece Optimus Prime, that Cowboy Bebop Wall Scroll I've been looking for for about a half a year and Battle Royale all in one place. And that's just in one store. Hitting others yields food, books and dishes as well.

- Pizza, Pizza, Pizza: Ok, so we didn't get to hit Connie's this time (in addition to great pizza, they also have a garlic dressing that's just awesome dooode) but this weekend encapsulates some of the best pizza I've had... ever. Seriously, if you live anywhere besides Chicago (well, maybe not including New York) you're not eating good pizza.

- Portillo's: Ever had a hot dog with mustard, relish, onions, peppers, cucumbers, tomatoes and a pickle spear? Yeah. The Italian beef sandwiches are good too.

- White Castle: Ok, strike one. But at least we got it out of our system. I'm out.

- Hancock Signature Lounge: I don't need to be 96 stories up to see all of the Denver Metro area. I can stand on my tip-toes and do that. Ok that's an exaggeration, but from Hancock, you can see far, and I'm still not sure I saw the end of the lights in the distance. Besides, the tallest building in Denver is like ten feet (another exaggeration), but we do have the cash-register building... Whoopee shit. Point is, having drinks in the Hancock Observatory was fucking sweet and there's nowhere to do that (at that height, with that view) here. Oh yeah, fuck the Sears Tower!

- Mass Transit: This is a huge plus in the Chicago side over Denver. It's a bitch to get anywhere in Denver if you want to use mass transit. Most of the time you have to drive to a park-and-ride to catch the bus or the light-rail (in places where it no longer exists solely in myth and legend). At that point, what's the fucking point? I'm already in my car, might as well just drive to my destination. The only time I used the bus frequently was getting from Boulder to downtown Denver when I was in college. Except for that, RTD is near impossible to use without days of advanced planning. As for light rail, this could put Denver on the mass transit map but the problem is, it'll take a projected 20-years to get us where we need to be. The voters won't vote for something that they won't see results on in a week, let alone for 20-years.
In contrast, in Chicago you can get anywhere with ease using a combination of cabs, trains and the subway. I mean, it's so insanely easy that there's no longer even any reason to drink and drive. So here we are doomed to watching our cocks get smaller in our cars and being killed by drunk drivers. Yea.

- Shopping: Chicago has Woodfield mall (ok, it's in Schaumburg, but you get my meaning, quit being a fag). It's the largest retail space in the world. If that's not enough for you there's also Michigan Avenue which has pretty much every store that I really want (besides those in the Asian mall). Plus it has Rampage. Now this is probably a lame store in general, but it gave me an excuse to hit things and say "Congratulations" to random people. Plus my wife got this dress that looks fucking amazing on her there.
As a side note you can go to the Chicago Place shopping center if you want some random creepy guy to ask you for the rest of the potato you had for lunch and conclude with "That's good food. Praise the lord!"

- Anime Convention Guests: I'm just going to keep this simple. Chicago will always have better convention guests than Denver, because Denver is a fly-over city. Denver is a fly-over city because there's nothing to do here (the mountains are a different story, but the city sucks). If you don't agree, ask yourself how you would entertain Nabeshin for a day in Denver.

- My In-Laws: Strike two for The Windy City, but if you look above, there have been a few runs scored.

So yeah, that's my summation of why Chicago is so much better than practically everywhere else, using Denver as a comparison. The End.

If I Piss Anyone Off With This Post, Good

Alright, so now I'm going to attempt a real post. Problem is everyone has already posted on everything that is important. I missed the Iraqi prison photos by a bit and anything I say now is just going to be a re-hash of what's already been written/said. There's other stuff going on as well, but you couldn't tell by listening to the radio or watching the TV thanks to our great American media. Besides, I don't really feel like commenting on anything of importance anyway.

So where does this leave me? Why, raniting about inane bullshit that's pissing me off, of course. Alright, here we go.

So I'm looking up something on dictionary.com the other day and I see this add for classmates.com (I'm not linking this because I think it's worthless. Any of the people I went to high school with and care to know about, I talk to. I'm not going to virtually stalk them over a stupid pay-for-play website.)

So I see this add, I'm sure you've seen this shit too, that says "He married her!? And they had seven kids!??" My first response is, "Why do you care?" Myabe if you liked him so much you should have gotten better at giving head. Or if you fancied her maybe you should have bought her that diamond ring instead of giving her that pearl necklace in the back of your Dodge Dart.

But than I got to thinking (of course borrowing from various satnd-up acts), What the fuck do these people need with seven kids!? Are they selling them into slavery so that they can do menial tasks to serve the rest of us? Because, if so, right on. That's something I can get behind. A flock of brainless twits to serve me. As long as the prices are reasonable, I'm in.

But no. I'm sure the kids aren't simply being used as chattle for the good of mankind (just their parents). So what the fuck is the point of having that many kids? There are over six-billion people on this planet! We're overpopulated and most of the population is stupid anyway. Why do you need seven kids? Answer: you don't! Somebody should forceably remove that bitch's ovaries with a salty spoon. And cut off her hussband's dick while you're at it!

Bloody hell, I hate how this culture reveres spawning: Yea! You fucked and his sperm can swim and her eggs can accept, yea! Good for you! It's so admirable. Meanwhile the kid is fucked because they were both high on paint thinner the whole damn time.

As always, I end with an I don't know where I'm going with this except that I want to point out that people are praised when they get knocked up and they aren't shot when they don't take care of their kids. I think that's a travesty. Also, fuck everyone that's so goddamn selfish that they need more than two kids. Replacement is fine, and if you have more because of unexpected twins, that's fine. For couples that have more though, I think that one of the parents should be shot of the face of the planet to even things out... and guarantee he/she doesn't reproduce anymore.

Why are my links fucked up now? They weren't 2-seconds ago.

Making a Post with a Title

Alright. Blogger has changed. People are pissed. Dogs and cats, living together. Total anarchy.

I really don't have anything I care to post about today and I should probably get back to work. But since I went with a new template (which I have to say isn't half bad) I figured that I should post something.

Oh yeah, I changed my title to something BLM and I talked about this weekend because it's more appropriate to my posting pattern.

As per evidence above, I do still explain the joke though.