Does no one appreciate metaphore?

So, I'm getting apprehensively excited for the new Transformers movie. The trailer look friggen' cool and according to my sister's fiance, you can't go wrong with Shia Lebeauf.

However, Transformers is something I've got history with. I was probably six when I started watching the show and the original Transformers: The Movie was a life-altering event. When Optimus Prime died, I learned what real loss was. Loss of innocence, loss of family. I also learned that when a great threat comes along, you and your robot buddies let your pain and fears go and you kick some planet devouring ass! You get up up and accept your role as the keeper of The Matrix! Hot Rod, you become Rodimus Prime!

I cried my eyes out that afternoon but when I walked out of that theater, I was no longer a boy, I was a man.

So like I said, Transformers and I have history. So have have this fear about the new movie. My fear goes like this:

I walk into the theater and sit down. We go through the commercials and previews and the movie is ready to start. Logo crawls across the screen and we come to little 7-year old Eli playing with his Jetfire that Aunt Marty and Uncle Floyd just sent him for Christmas. All of a sudden Michael Bay walks in holding his Michael Bay dick. Picks up little Eli, kicking and screaming, drops his pants and starts fucking him in the ass. Fade to black.

Now I may have problems, but I don't think I'm completely irrational in thinking that, in making this movie, Michael Bay may be trying to rape my childhood.